A Show That Can't Afford A Title
by Rina-ran
Summary: Shinra blew up and the turks are out of job. What should they do? Makeing their own TV show seems to be on the list. And the contestants for the show, don't have the slightest clue on whats happening...
1. Entrance, Introducing FF7

I do Not Own Final Fantasy , never have, never will. Well.I do collect the games.If you haven't played the games then Shame on you! And.no one in this story acts like this on the game.  
  
by: Marina(wouldn't you like to know my last name)  
  
For those who don't play Final Fantasy, DON'T BOTHER READING THIS, you wouldn't understand. But you might get a good laugh out of this so if your depressed...OK. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
PLOT: The turk's, from FF7 as everyone knows, company blew up and are now going around without jobs. Well...they've found this place and are now trying to do their own T.V., late night, game show with Reno as their host. They can't afford any good prompts. So lets all feel sorry for them...or rather for the contestants on their show.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~;*a show that can't afford a title (much less, capital letters)*;~  
  
*Yellow, Red, and Blue lights flash around as two very crappy ropes are slowly lowering a chair, with Reno sitting on it.*  
  
Reno: Hello, everyone. Welcome to my, I-I-I-I what the hell?? *Ropes start jerking up and down, makeing Reno's chair go in circles*  
  
Reno: Who's lowering me? Rude!, fix the damn crank already!  
  
Rude: err...um...trying...um...to... *Kicks crank*  
  
Reno:EEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!*Falls the rest of the way to the stage*  
  
Reno: OOOOwwwwwww, my head hurts.... uhhhhh. Where's my...*Sound effect (SEF) : SMASH!!! Other rope snaps and the chair falls on him*  
  
Reno: Elena...I need a lighter chair or. *stands the chair up and sits down* better ropes.  
  
Elena: Besides fold-up chairs that's the only one we have, those are the best ropes we could afford, besides you need to loss weigh...  
  
Reno: Stop babbling and fix the lights as our "players" come out.  
  
Elena: *excited* YEAY!! Light duty! *Runs to four flashlights, covered in colored plastic wrap, hanging, on strings from the roof, flicks a switch and the whole building lights up. *  
  
Reno: *to a camera * Welcome ladies and gays, I'm calling you guys, gay, because this is a ladies night show were men strip down to...well, nothing.  
  
Elena: Then why are you here?  
  
Reno: Hey! I don't look!  
  
Elena: wooooowwwww, what a relief.  
  
Reno: yeah...Now skipping the rest of the introduction for the show, I want to introduce our Final Fantasy 7's team Vincent Valentine, and Cloud Strife!  
  
*SEF: Girls scream and clap as Sephroth and Tseng drag out Cloud and Vincent, both tied up and gagged *  
  
Tseng: *Untying Cloud * I should have been the host...  
  
Cloud: *ripping sock from mouth * I never wanted to be on this bankrupt show, and either does Vince here. And how did you get Sephroth to help you anyway???  
  
Vince: *leans over to Cloud and starts to whisper to him * I don't believe it's a good idea to run off stage. First, they've taken all our weapons, next, they'll probably catch us again, and finally, look at all the girls we'll disappoint...  
  
*Cloud stares into the crowd at over about 200 women in the audience.(can u beleive it?)*  
  
Reno: Not bad for our first show, hmmm?  
  
Cloud: eh...er....(What to do???)  
  
Reno: Well just stand there while I call out our next...  
  
Audience: *chanting * Seph-roth!, Seph-roth!,Seph-roth!!  
  
Cloud: What's up??  
  
Reno: Duh! They want Sephy to play too.*turning to Sephroth *What do you say??  
  
Sephy: Better give them what they want, I can't ignore my victims.er, fans...  
  
Reno: If it gives us better ratings. Let's do this. Now for Final Fantasy8...  
  
???: Hey! What about me!!  
  
Reno: Me? Me who? You!  
  
Cid: Well, hell yeah, I want to be on this @%$^*in show!  
  
Cloud: But Cid your so...  
  
Cid: What to good-looking, unlike you? *Throws his cigarette, and leans on his spear *  
  
Reno: No weapons on this stage!  
  
Cid:Shut the @#&% up!, all the ladies want me *smiles at crowd *  
  
Audience:BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Cid: See!, they love me!  
  
Cloud: Cid your as stupid as a...  
  
Cid: *holds spear at Cloud's hair * Watch your mouth or I'll give you a haircut.  
  
Cloud: *Backs away and keeps mouth shut *  
  
Reno: OK!, Fine, What the hell!, stand there and shut the #$%@ up!  
  
Cid: I'll say whatever the %$&* I want!  
  
Reno: Well can you wait until everyone's out?  
  
Cid: Sure, what the hell.  
  
Reno: Ok now for FF8 its.  
  
Elena: Commercial Break!  
  
Reno: What do you mean by that!?  
  
Elena: Time for entertainment  
  
Reno: What!? Who?  
  
Elena: Tseng! Come on out!  
  
Tseng: * walks out wearing a cape *  
  
Reno: What are you doing?  
  
Tseng: Elena chose the outfit, now watch as I amaze the audience. *claps his hands together and when he brings them apart there's a rope. He ties the rope into a few loops, covers it with his cape and then reveals a baby chocobo. Holds up for everyone to see *  
  
Audience: Oooooo.Ahhhhh...Ohhhhhhh  
  
Reno: What the heck.a five minute break wont hurt.  
  
Cloud: What are WE suppose to do!?  
  
Reno: don't try to run off and sit back and enjoy the show.  
  
Tseng: *Begins new trick * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Is it ok for the first chapter of the first story, I've decided to write? I know a few people who like it, but besides that, something tells me I probably not going to get a lot of reviews.  
  
Reno: What!? No reviews on my new show Nooooooooooooooooo!  
  
Its ok Reno, even if it doesn't, I'm going to continue it.  
  
Reno: but.the reviews.  
  
I SAID DON'T WORRY!  
  
Reno: * shuts up * 


	2. Enter FF8, The Rules

I do NOT own Final Fantasy or any other game that Squaresoft makes, unless you count copies I buy from stores.  
  
By: Mariana Tsunamia Vixen  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *;~ a show that can't afford a title (much less, capital letters)  
  
*Tseng's magic tricks finally come to an end *  
  
Reno: Right... *completely bored, gives a slow clap * Thank you Tseng for that bore.brilliant show.  
  
Tseng: *bows to audience * Shut up Reno, you will die.  
  
Reno: Right.one day.. Now FINALLY Final Fantasy 8's team, Squall Leonheart and Zell Ditch!  
  
Elena: It's Dincher  
  
Reno: What?!  
  
Elena: or was it Dinckt?  
  
Marina: GET IT RIGHT ALREADY! It's Dincht you morons!  
  
Reno: What is she doing here?  
  
Marina: I have to be here, or there would be no "here" to come to exactly...  
  
Reno: What do you mean by that?  
  
Marina: Well I am the one who's type...  
  
Reno: Who cares, now back to the show.  
  
Marina: Hmph. no respect whatsoever  
  
Reno: Now for Squall and Zell to finally come out. Who wrote this stupid paper anyway?  
  
Rude: ...  
  
Reno: Should have known.  
  
*Tseng runs out, carrying Squall's jacket. Squall soon follows.*  
  
Squall: Give that back!, person-not-from-my-game, come back here!  
  
*Tseng runs to the middle of the stage and drops the jacket, Squall follows and stands in the middle of the stage putting the jacket back on *  
  
Cloud: *slaps head * I can't believe he actually followed.  
  
Squall: What kind of show is this?  
  
Reno: A type that we seem to have to force everyone to come on stage.  
  
Cid: ha ha ha .hee ha ha.  
  
Vincent: Except him.  
  
Reno: Yeah.um.hmm. were is Zell?  
  
Squall: An all-you-can-eat hotdog buffet about 6 miles down the street  
  
Reno: Your saying I spent all that time trying to pronounce his last name. and he's not even here!!  
  
Squall: Yep, exactly, nothing can tear him apart from hotdogs when they're free.  
  
Cloud: What! They're free!! Wow.look at the time gotta go.hotdogs are calling. *sees Seph glareing at him * er.. No weapon.would not be a good time to fight.  
  
Reno: Well this is just great.3 contestants on 7's team and only 1 on 8's  
  
Cloud: What type of show is this. we don't even know the rules  
  
Reno: Clud.Clud. didn't you read the rulebook?  
  
Cloud: I KNOW YOU KNOW MY NAME!! AND THERE IS NO RULEBOOK!  
  
Everyone: *nods * Reno: *sigh * Ya'll people. ok.here are the rules: FF 7,8, and 9 are going to compete for my life savings.  
  
Cloud: Which is.?  
  
Reno: None of your business!! After this show, I'll have more gil then ever!  
  
Cid: You do know that FF X came out.right?  
  
Reno: Yeah of course I do  
  
Squall: Then why didn't u invite them?  
  
Reno: BECAUSE. their graphics are so much better than ours!! They wouldn't blend in exactly. don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable  
  
Cloud: *slaps head, knowing in stories all the graphics are alike *  
  
Vince: Cloud, you should stop doing that, it could be the reason why you've been having mental fits.  
  
Seph: Yes.that could be the reason  
  
Squall: *back to Reno * ever thought ALL of us are a little uncomfortable being on THIS show  
  
Reno: nope never occurred to me.  
  
Squall: stupid.  
  
Reno: now, were was I. first ya'll will be asked a question by yours truly. Your group can get together and come up with an answer, but the first answer I hear is what I'll take as your group's answer, so shut up until ya'll think ya'll actually know. If the answer is right your team gets a point, if not, everyone chooses a number.  
  
Cloud: a number? What for?  
  
Reno: Oops.sorry everyone chooses a color, you see were going to roll this die right here, and we couldn't find a die with numbers. *holds up a die for everyone to see *  
  
Audience: OOOooooo...  
  
Reno: right. uh-huh.  
  
Cloud: continue.  
  
Reno: Oh, yah, well everyone chooses a color and when we roll the die whoever's color it lands on has to take off one article of clothing.  
  
Cloud: *rolls eyes, full of sarcasm * Oh, how I hope to choose the right color.  
  
Reno: all the other players on the other hand get to get electrocuted. again, by yours truly *bows and takes out his electric rod to show the audience *  
  
Cloud: *blink * er.that's different  
  
Squall: so, its get nude.or get barbecued.  
  
Vince: not exactly barbecued.its electricity, not fire  
  
Reno: Hey! I've cooked some good ribs with this thing!  
  
Cid: sounds fun  
  
*everyone stares at Cid in complete silence SEF: wind blows by*  
  
Cid: what the %^&# is wrong with ya'll?  
  
Cloud: YOU ARE CRAZZZZY  
  
Irvine: not that crazy, kind of sounds neat  
  
Squall: glad he's not on my team.. WAIT.IRVINE when did you!!??  
  
Irvine: c'mon you plan to go on a show like this without me? Trying to get all the girls to swoon over you.eh? *elbows and winks at Squall *  
  
Squall: if I could help it, I would leave, the first chance I get!  
  
Siefer: *from audience * HA! Squalls afraid to show his-  
  
Squall: Siefer SHUT UP!.. Siefer? What the heck are you doing here!!  
  
Girls in Audience: he's gay!! *chanting * GAY! GAY! GAY!  
  
Siefer: NO im NOT! I came to make fun of him! *points at Squall *  
  
Elena: could have sworn we sent an invatation to him.  
  
Reno: he's on FF8?. Tseng, get him  
  
Siefer: what the.*SEF: wack* owww  
  
Tseng: * knocks him out with the flat of a big sword *  
  
Cloud: *about to run at Tseng * Why you! MY Sword!!! YOU will DIE!!!  
  
Vincent: *trying to hold him back * Stop Cloud!, now is not the time to run after him!  
  
Reno: Yeah, so settle down *zaps him with the rod *  
  
Irvine: can we stop all this rucus and start the show?  
  
Cid: Yeah, Im waiting.  
  
Reno: fine, fine, let me call out the contestants for nine.  
  
Irvine: hey that rhymes!  
  
Reno: yeah it does.so?  
  
Irvine: I just wanted to show you that I can point that stuff out.  
  
Reno: Right.*sarcastic clap * good job, want a cookie?  
  
Irvine: yes please.  
  
Reno: ....next for nine is  
  
Cid: I have'ta go piss!  
  
Reno: thanks for sharing that with us.  
  
Cid: Your not allowed to start this show until Im back! *walks off *  
  
Reno: can't forget you.for nine its *spears flies out and lands right next to Reno*  
  
Cid: *from back room* I said no starting! And I missed on purpose that time!  
  
Reno: well everyone.we're going to take a short break.  
  
Cid: Now that's what I'm talking about!  
  
Everyone: ......o___O  
  
~ ~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ Whoo! Second chapter! It just gets weirder and weirder to tell ya the truth. Hope someone likes it. Now time for some break time business..  
  
Reno: huh?  
  
*jumps on him* tell me you don't care when I try to help you! *strangles him*  
  
Reno: ack.  
  
Anyway.please Review ^^ it would be appreciated ^^  
  
Reno: help me... 


	3. FF9, Finally

I don't Own Final Fantasy.  
  
By: Marina Tsunamia  
  
I don't think this chapter will be as funny as the rest. I lost my original copy *cries * now I have to start from scratch again. Thanks for the Reviews though =) Even though there were so few, It's more than I thought there would be.  
  
Reno: Yes. I knew I could be a success!  
  
Me: right.  
  
------------ ---------------------- ------------------------------------- -- -------------- --------------- ~;* a show that can't afford a title (much less capital letters)  
  
*Cid returns after quite awhile of waiting *  
  
Reno: Finally, your back. Our crowd is getting bored.  
  
Audience: *Staring blankly at the contestants *  
  
Cloud: Ah! Make them stop! I'm innocent!!  
  
Squall: Zzzzz *falls asleep while standing *  
  
Vince: *counting random things (flashlights, holes in the wall)  
  
Seifer: *still knocked out, limp body sitting next to a wall *  
  
Irvine: *stomach grumbles * I thought I could have a cookie.  
  
Sephy: *concentrating, trying to take over random people's minds *  
  
Elena& Tseng: *planning another magic trick (oh god.) *  
  
Rude: .  
  
Marina: * typing (^_^) *  
  
Cid: What is up with ya'll people!? Like brainless zombies!  
  
Reno: yeah. let's continue the show please, now from nine, Zidane and Kuja!  
  
Everyone: * attention returns to Reno *  
  
Audience: *applauds, whistles, does audience stuff *  
  
Zidane: * jumps out of the door that Squall had ran out of, waves to everyone, and blows kisses to many girls* Yes, I know Ya'll love me! Everyone Loves Me. ^^  
  
Kuja: *walks out of a different door and stands near the edge of the stage, sighs *  
  
Zidane: *looks at Kuja * er.aren't you dead?  
  
Kuja: *sighs, smoothes back his feathers * lets see. does it look like I'm dead?  
  
Zidane: *waving his hands about, doing expressions * but the tree!, And the vines!, And the wrapping!, and the other stuff!  
  
Kuja: *shrugs * point?  
  
Zidane: *completely calm, tilts head to the side * your still alive?  
  
Kuja: *sighs and explains * it doesn't show in any part of the game, me dead. Besides, after you escaped, which nobody knows how that happened, an angel of exquisite beauty, bearing the wings of a gorgeous green dragon, swooped in and healed my wounds.  
  
Zidane: *completely confused* What the @#%!?  
  
Audience: What!?  
  
Random Person (RP1): I don't remember that  
  
RP2: This is getting confusing  
  
RP1: Secret Ending?  
  
RP2: Shut up RP1! I think he's going to explain!  
  
RP1: That would be great!  
  
RP2: I know! Just think if-  
  
Rest of Audience: SHUT UP!  
  
Kuja: *blink * um.right *points to the front row, second to the middle seat, next to Marina * Her.  
  
Saru: Hi Kuja!! *waves at Kuja , folds her dragonic wings and sits back comfortably *  
  
Irvine: I've seen her somewhere before.  
  
Kuja: no you haven't, shut up.  
  
Zidane: Your going out with her?  
  
Kuja: Well, I do prefer a dragon, over any damn canary.  
  
Reno: ENOUGH! Can we begin the show!?  
  
Cid: yes! Get this @#%$ing show on the road already!  
  
Irvine: this game show travels?  
  
Reno: *blink * (sarcasm) of course it does, next week we'll be doing the show over at Cosmo Canyon.  
  
Irvine: Whoo-hoo! Count me in. Expect me to come!  
  
Cloud: and I thought Cid was dense.  
  
Cid: huh!?  
  
Reno: I'm getting a headache. I can feel it coming.  
  
Zidane: So. What kind of show is this? It can't be "wheel of fortune" seeing there is no wheel to spin.  
  
Kuja: I thought it was a weapons convention.  
  
Zidane: You don't use weapons.  
  
Kuja: I find them pretty to look at.  
  
Cloud: *yells, waking up Squall, making him fall over * No! Both of YOU! RUN! While you still have the chance!  
  
Zidane & Kuja: *stares blankly at the idiot yelling at them *  
  
Cloud: (grr. no one ever listens to me )  
  
Sephy: I can hear your thoughts.  
  
Cloud: *looks to him * (anyways.) IT AIN'T NO WEAPONS CONVENTION AND IT SURE AS HELL AIN'T WHEEL OF FOURTUNE! IT'S A FRICKEN STRIP SHOW!  
  
Cid: Stop yelling, they're only about four feet away.  
  
Zidane: *eyebrow twitches * they want to see me naked?  
  
ILty: OH YEAH!  
  
Audience: *screams and cheers *  
  
Squall: *getting back on his feet * creepy. when did ya'll come?  
  
Reno: There is my life savings for the grand prize.  
  
Zidane: Gil!? *wags tail happily * Count me in! ^^  
  
Cid: OMFG! That thing behind him moves!!  
  
Irvine: He's a monkey! C'mon Monkey! Do a dance!  
  
Zidane: *cracks knuckles * I'll show you a monkey you-  
  
Reno: Stop! Ya'll playing or not!?  
  
Elena: Since when did you give them a choice?  
  
Rude: .  
  
Zidane: We're playing! Anything for Gil!  
  
Kuja: I'm good at answering questions, so I guess I'll stay.  
  
Squall: How did you know that we had to answer questions?  
  
Kuja: Read the rule book.  
  
Squall: What!?  
  
Cloud: If you read the rules, then wouldn't you have known it was a strip-  
  
Reno: Shut up Cloud! *Electrocutes him *  
  
Cloud: *coughs up smoke * This, is not my day.  
  
Asil & Freya: Poor Cloud.  
  
Vince: Well you have fans.  
  
Reno: Well, since all the teams are out I say its time for-  
  
Sephy: COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
  
Everyone: O____o? WHAT!?  
  
Reno: Exactly, It's like you read my mind.  
  
Sephy: Exactly.  
  
Reno: hmm.  
  
Cloud: Yes! Make him into your evil puppet of doom!  
  
Reno: What?  
  
Sephy: What? No.I don't need him. I case, you didn't notice the people in the audience who left, that are robbing the downtown restaurant as we speak, doing all the stuff that I don't need Reno for-  
  
Everyone: Huh?  
  
Sephy: *cough, cough * er.um. doing charity.  
  
Reno: Okay. well let's take the "planned" commercial break now.  
  
Cloud: What do you mean by planned?  
  
Reno: Meaning, that we were planning that there would be a commercial break when everyone came out.  
  
Cloud: Oh.  
  
Reno: So anyway! Let's start the commercial! *turns on a nearby radio which plays "Simple and Clean"  
  
Irvine: I love this song! *starts doing the Macarena *  
  
Seifer: Uhh. *slowly regaining consciousness *  
  
Reno: Aye. I need coffee. It's going to be a loooong night.  
  
Cloud: um. how long exactly *sweat drop *  
  
~;* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *;~ Whoo.I think this is the shortest chapter so far or longest.I dunno.  
  
Like I said, I lost my copy and I'm making stuff up as I go along. Sorry if it's not that funny.  
  
Reno: Ah. Another chapter done. ^^  
  
Me: Get your coffee?  
  
Reno: Yep. ^^  
  
Me: Good, cause your gonna need it next chapter.  
  
Reno: Bring it on! And for all ya'll reading this, Review! It's appreciated!  
  
Me: Whoa. Reno knows how to say "appreciated"  
  
For All ya'll waiting, next chapter is when the questions WILL begin! Mwuhahahahahahaha!  
  
Reno: Mwuhahahahahaha!  
  
Me: Shut up, my laugh  
  
Sephy: No, my laugh.  
  
Me: oh, hee-hee *sweat drop *  
  
(Freya, you liked Cloud Right ^^; hope I got that right) 


End file.
